I don't want to get into any relationships, sir. I don't want to meet today and tomorrow to be in a relationship. Because we're lying. Because I don't want to declare myself in a relationship on, starting with. Because I do not want to be bound to the hands, but I want to be bound to the soul, and the soul does not know established beginnings. Because I want to look forward to coming to you to tell you about all the desperate idiots, to laugh with you about them and you not to be like them. And to do this without being forced by any convention to tell you, because otherwise I probably wouldn't do it again. Because I want you to be my choice, because I want to choose you and I want to see in you the self-control and the patience to let yourself be chosen and not to be complacent, not to be afraid to disappoint in case shortly after we settled into the relationship things don't work out. Because I want you to come to my mind naturally and unexpectedly, when everyone else is daring to go in there. Because I want you to be my feeling, not an obligation.
Because I want you to be my friend first and foremost, then my boyfriend. Because I want you to surprise me with moments like "but you don't like that" or "the way you like it" that you won't have a way of knowing if you met me yesterday and today we establish the relationship. I want to be overwhelmed by that feeling that no one knows me better than you and then I want to move completely into your soul. I want some day, out of the blue, to know how to kiss my wrist, because in passing I once told you about it and you remembered. I want you to know how others have done wrong before you and not to learn empirically, knowing me there in that established relationship, because we will come to the conclusion that it does not work and we will end what we may not have even started. Just like I want to know how to surprise you with things you like, but in time, finding them without being constrained or scared that I'm wrong.
Because relationships do not exist when we call ourselves participants in the relationship and do not love, just as families do not exist just because they have the same name or live in the same house. Just as children are not the solution to the couple's problems. When things don't work out, don't start having children, believing that this will unite you, because others will suffer as well. Likewise, when you can't stand loneliness anymore, you don't take anyone, anyway, just to not be alone anymore. You know, there was a saying that "we're too poor to afford to buy cheap things." So are we. We are too poor in love to allow ourselves to love quickly, we want too many big things to allow ourselves to rush into love, because in the long run it means even more spent soul and lost time in life. And we end up like those who win the lottery, poorer than they were before they won.
You don't take the woman and move her into the house and pretend you're in a relationship. That's not how it works. That is not a relationship, that is the need for confirmation, the need for security, the need for possession. It's fear, it's nothing to do with a relationship. It's convenience. And out of convenience, the most complicated and painful situations are born. From the convenience you have chosen before, you will deceive later. I don't want to be wrong, I don't want to make fun of myself, I don't want to be in a relationship if I don't feel like I'm in it.
Let me feel and have me completely. Let us have time. Let us happen in the long run, not in the moment. Let me wake up one morning and be cold because I wasn't wrapped in your arms. Let me go on a trip and let my smile escape that you are not with me and then wish with all my heart to have held your hand in front of the great things in the world. Let me go out with men and get angry that no one knows how to make me feel comfortable the way you do. That no one looks at me the way you do and no one arouses me the way you do. Let me get lost alone among the seas of people and look desperately for your hand.
Allow me to burn my soul with emotion when, uncalculated and not at all planned, you will call me "baby" for the first time. To stop walking down the street and wonder why people look at me like that and then realize that I was smiling at you in my mind. Let our friends warn us that we talk a bit about ourselves, wake up one day we are in something and be afraid to name it in any way, because it is too special for any word in any language to support.
Let me guess your feelings over time. As sex turns us into love, as we begin to touch our souls more and more and not just erogenous parts. While hopes and expectations take shape with us and we do not struggle to meet expectations already formed. Let me choose you, and the moment I do, let me give it my all, not thinking I want to get rid of you.
Let me deceive you and not do it. Let me walk with my head held high, proud and confident, with all my wings outstretched and all my eyes turned. Please let me make you proud that a woman that many men want, will choose you and do it because she wants it and not because you impose it on her. Let us feel, do not rush to make a mistake.
How is it better, to be in an established relationship and not be mistaken because you don't want that or to be free to do what she wants, but still let her come alone to sit quietly on your chest? To walk with your head on the ground for fear of damaging something or to lift your chin, to kiss her and tell her that you trust her and that's it. And so, without any "you are not allowed to".
Let her. Let her have a term of comparison when she chooses, because otherwise the choice will turn against you.
