I've been thinking a lot lately about the problem of my vagina or rather the vulva. That's because the two terms refer to different parts of the body. I started reading "Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler and was very impressed with the stories she managed to gather. So many sad, happy, interesting stories from countless women who had the courage to discuss their intimate area. This is to express myself delicately, although, to honor Ensler's work, it would be nice to say "pussy". Because, after all, words are what we make them to be.
And when reading Ensler, I thought I wanted to see the word pussy recaptured, the only Romanian word that refers to both the external and internal genitals of women. I want to say this word so many times until I no longer see it as dirty and no longer feel vulgar when it forms in my mind. So let's start over: I've been thinking a lot lately about my pussy problem. I resonated with the fact that many women monologue about their vagina, mentioning the lack of knowledge of their own body. And many discussed the fact that they saw their vulva very late. One of them didn't see her vulva until she met Eve.
I remembered seeing my vulva for the first time around the age of 18. Only then did it occur to me to look in the large mirror in the house at what it looked like. The mirror was straight wall so I had to lean forward 90 degrees and look between my legs to see my own genitals. I had never heard anyone, either friends or women who wrote in the popular magazines of my time (Popcorn, Bravo), simply wake up and look at their vulva. So when I decided to take this step, I felt like a pioneer, a rebel doing something forbidden. But my courage dissipated very quickly when I noticed that my pussy was neither pink nor perfectly symmetrical and that my small lips were as visible as possible. I remember thinking a lot about how ugly she was, that I had allowed others to look at her until then, without me knowing what horror I was subjecting her to. I felt like the man who realizes he came out of the house with his shirt upside down or who has spinach between his teeth, but no one gets his attention all day.
In the meantime, I have become much more understanding with the vulva and vagina I have. Especially since I discovered properties that took them out of "disgrace". But it's still hard for me to look between my legs. Before I looked at my pussy, no one had told me she was beautiful. I don't think that has happened since then. I was also told that it is appetizing, that it is sweet and that it is fun for the surprising number of orgasms it can produce almost effortlessly. But in my mind there was no situation in which someone told me she was beautiful. And it's weird, because it may have happened, but for 15 years I was left with the image of my vulva as a completely unattractive thing that people should not look at, not even when we do. sex.
What's even weirder is that I haven't seen a pussy that doesn't look beautiful and almost magical in the attraction it causes me. But I don't know how many times I've said this out loud: "Your pussy is gorgeous." I know I said that about the chickens I saw. I was not ashamed to verbalize my appreciation for the penis, but for the vulva, although I think about it, I don't know if I had the courage to say it. I've probably always designed the fact that the vulva and its appearance is something that can only cause discomfort. And I'm still wondering how many other people are in my situation.
Let's celebrate the reality that no pussy is like another. Because I sincerely believe that we need to get the vulva out of anonymity so that everyone can accept their body as it is. We need more visibility of the pussy. We also need more visibility from the bodies of women who don't have pussies, but I can't afford to talk about that, because it's not my story to tell. Long live the cunt!